I am currently on my way to Port Townsend, and I am just, on the verge of tears. Life is beautiful right now. I have been taking pictures of everything, and there was a stunning sunset, and my fingers not broken, and I memorized the poem, and I just am in a happy mood, and I want to share it with the world, I want to make someone elses day. I also want to be more adult! I just want to get older to be more responsible. Ya know? Like, be my own person and try everything! I get to spend the night alone in the attic tonite! Which is my favorite spot in the house, and I am very excited to just, be alone, with my journal, my pens, amazing views, and great music and fabulous friends to talk to. Life is beautiful :) Hope everyone out there is happy, too!

Some quotes from Twitter :)

HeartQuotesx: Sometimes the paths we take are long & hard,,but remember those are the ones that lead us to the most beautiful views.

I wish I could give you my pain, just for one moment. Not to hurt you but rather so you can finally understand how much you hurt me.

A broken promise can only be sweet if someone promised to leave but still stays.

When you want something you've never had, you've got to do something you've never done

People say go to your happy place when you are sad, but what if your happy place is what made you sad?

Decisions are the hardest move to make. Especially when its a choice between where you should be & where you want to be.

Be honest to a #Gemini, once they've had their trust broken they usually will never get it back again.

I tried my best, I gave my all. But yet you let me down, you let me fall

thingsihate people having too much expectations of me, as if I'm living my life for them

The steeper the mountain the harder the climb the better the view from the finishing line.

They do not love that do not show their love ~ William Shakespeare

Never let anyone's ignorant, hate or drama stops you from being the best you can be.

To tell the truth and make someone cry is better than to tell a lie and make someone smile.

I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing, with a broken heart that's still beating. But still your name holds so much meaning

It's not always their own faults for hurting and breaking you down, it's also your fault for putting your trust in them to much.

We love because it's the only true adventure

Sometimes the people who keep promising you over and over again the most are the ones that hurt you the most without realizing it.

Life is too ironic to fully understand. It takes sadness to know what happiness is. Noise to appreciate silence & absence to value presence.

It's sad when people let past relationships ruin their future happiness. Scars remind us of where we've been, not where we're going.

Moving on doesn't mean forgetting. You just have to live with the pain and get used to it.

Sometimes the people that claim to love you the most are the ones that hurt you the most without realizing it.

All that we are is the result of what we have thought. The mind is everything. What we think we become

 Insomuch as love grows in you, so beauty grows. For love is the beauty of the soul

"I LOVE YOU" is sweet but "I NEED YOU" is the best

In this life, There's one person you'll always love no matter how much pain they put you through...

You never really forget the ones who touched your heart; regardless whether it's the ones who broke it or the ones who healed it.

What is love? Love is giving someone the power to break your heart but trusting them not to.

 Always, put God first in all you do. God gave you gifts to worship Him with, give back. Love others and love yourself!

You treat me as your baby at a certain point of time. Then push me away as a pile of shit. Bitch, where do I actually stand in your heart?

I'm like the crayon. I might not be your favourite colour, yet someday you'll need me to complete your picture

Being great starts by being fearless; Fearless starts by having faith; Having faith starts by letting go. It's hard, but not impossible!

It's hard to pretend you love someone
if you really don't, but it's harder
to pretend you don't love someone if
you really do

Pain makes you stronger, tears makes you braver, heartbreak makes you wiser, so thank the past for a better future.

I'm not sick of living my life. I'm sick of broken promises, dramas, hypocrites, fakers, backstabbers, liars, and heart- breakers.

Get a headstart by putting God first in all that you do. Ask for His guidance and He'll always lead you to victory!

Katelyns feeling very sexual today

BurnYouUpTweets: I'm not sick of living my life. I'm sick of broken promises, dramas, hypocrites, fakers, backstabbers, liars, and heart- breakers.

Fifteen status updates today...

I have 5892 photos on facebook.....

i LOVE glee!!!!! :)

Let us read and let us dance - two amusements that will never do any harm to the world

I. Am. Misssing. GLEE!!!!!!!

Most boring thing EVAR! 26 lights, 58 bulbs, 56 words on the wall, 2 flags, one shiney bald guy, three bearded dudes, 6 visible doors, 12 laptops. Just sayin

We got a situation that we cant ignor cause ignorance is not bliss we dont have to take this,with every big decision comes an equaly important share of the risk

Wow. When did I start having homework!?

Okay, litterally all year I've had NO homework. Now... well, I'll make a to-do list for you!

• Presentation infront of the school district board tomorrow
• Saving Coquille shirts
• Make english masqurade mask
• English worksheet
• World History journals 2.6 and 2.7
• World History study guide
• Submitting art into the ZINE
• Submitting art for the tshirt designs by the 28th
• Submitting art for arts week

And other things I have to do:

• Clean room
• Clean bathroom
• Simplify room
• Start planning next free hugs campaign
• Paractice If I should have a daughter
• MEMORIZE If I should I have a daughter
• Puffy paintify headphones
• Get new bag
• DO SO MUCH MORE!

My eye makeup!

     

More pictures of my life :)

SUNSHINE!

Pretty much, the most amazing collection of books EVAR!

Oddly enough, the names werent planned like that. Theador and Rebecca!

Yes, this is on my bathroom wall.

Amazing clouds, once again!

BEST MAKEUP EVAR!

I dont like these colors as much:P

Picture update!

Absolutely AMAZING sunset!

Probably the best eyeshadows EVER!

Isnt this just the smexiest thing ever?

Also, an AMAZING sunset!

The one, the only, Jameson!

Four Year Strong, Bad Religion, and Rise Against concert!

Just popping in and sharing my thoughts!

Oh, happy easter!!! He has risen!!!!

Well I am in a pretty good mood! Wanna know why? No? Too bad I'm gonna share anyways!

First, I have had lots of candy and sugar in multiple forms in the past 48 hours! Yummy:) I already paid the price for that though, I feel SOOO sick. But better now! :D

Second, I talked to Jameson this morning. He texted me at like, 1am saying "Morning!" I always feel incredibly speshul when he texts me first:) So we've been talking and its been a good conversation of basically nothing, but it lasted longer then most of our conversations recently :) Hes going through a tough time, and I just want him to know I am here for him :)

Third, I feel pretty again. And my hair is soft <3 I recently got more foundation! So friday I put some on, along with the powder stuff Katelyn gave me, and I glowed! At school Schnabel and Rebecca both said my skin looked good :D So glad I got it when I did, I just got a pimple. And its one of those pimples that if you try and pop it you get a migrain.

Fourth, I just got an iTunes giftcard, and litterally just spent it like thirty seconds ago. I bought some P!NK, and the Songs for Japan album. The Songs for Japan album is really amazing, its like 39 songs for $9.99!!!! Crazy aweosme! Also, I will prolly try and get the rest of the pennies sorted so I can get the $25 giftcard!

Fifth, I am going to my Grandma Leonas in a few hours for Easter dinner, and then Abu and Schnabel are coming over tonite and were finally gonna do the TITANIC CRYFEST! Gosh I love Abu. I miss him like crazzzyyy!!!

Sixth, I am insanely out of my mind excited for the Freedom of Expression night!! I am insanely nervous at the same time, but that doesnt seem to matter. Haha. I am trying to memorize Sarah Kays' poem "If I should have a daughter". The poem is AMAZING and exactly what I want to say, and there is only 14 days until the show. So I have time, but its gonna be insanely hard to memorize, its like, three and a half minutes of random hopeful things. Its AWESOME. I dont even know if I want Jameson or Tony to come. I dont know if I want that pressure:/

Seventh, arts week is in two weeks, and Freedom of Expression night kicks it off. If you submit your art, it will be displayed for all to see. I reallyyyyyyyy wnana submit something. So I stole some canvas from the art room and I think I'm gonna steal some more and then on one it will say "HAVE HOPE. GIVE HOPE" and the other will be like, "FAITH, HOPE" but I was also thinking to have like three and one be "HAVE HOPE" the second say "GIVE HOPE" and another say "FATH AND HOPE!" Not quite sure yet.

Eighth, I want to go to the Brittany Spears Concert on June 29th @The Tacoma Dome. and Selena Gomez at the Puyallup fair on September 12!

Ninth, On August 20, my sister Randi is getting married again!:D My goal is to look good in the wedding dress!!!!

Tenth, I am majorly into poetry at the moment!!!!! I just got like, ten poetry apps, and I just downloaded like a bunch of podcasts of spoken word, I am just majorly into poetry. :D

Eleventh, I realized I havent been bullied in a long, long time!!

Eleventh, my mother is in rehab at the second best rehabilitation center in the country! I talked to her last night and she sounded sooooooo happy! I honestly want to cry. the success rate there is like 70%!!!! And she actually might have a chance... I can't even imagine what that would be like... to have a mother again...

Twelfth, okay, so I want to surprise all my friends on thursday with this, so I havent told any of them, but none of them can read it on this blog. So, on thursday, it will have been TWO MONTHS without cutting. So, so, so happy. I feel SO superior. I feel strong, powerful, amazing, and FREAKIN FANTASTIC!

Thirteenth, I am 15!!! I feel so old!!! Just yeah. Lol

Fourteenth! Well friday TATU has their presentations at the middle school. Sooo freaking excited and nervous at the same time!!!!!!:D Gosh I cant believe I will be that girl from TATU from the high school. OMG!!!!

Anywho, yeah, thats my life. I love having a blog and being able to just, pour it all out there!!!

My playlist for right now!

What are words by Chris Medina

Beautiful, beautiful by Francesca Battistelli

Who says by Selena Gomez

Jar of Hearts by Christina Perri

Me, Myself, and Time by Demi Lovato

Mr. Merrifeild: Dont be that dude
Jon: Be that dude
Hector: I am that dude

Well, the poem "If I should have a daughter" By Sarah Kay, really seemed amazing to me, so I decided that I should audition for the Freedom of Expression night at school and do it, thats basically a talent show w/o a winner. And i went to audition, but it wasnt really an audition, more of a sign up thing, so i signed up!=)

What does a ghost say to a bee? BOOBEE!!!!!

I just love that you're out of your mind, beautifully so-Steven tyler

Hope your happy

I hope you see that your tearing me apart
I hope you someday grow a heart
I hope someday I will want to see you
I hope someday I wont have to see you

...I hope you suffer, but I dont want that
I hope you die, but I dont mean that
I hope someday your 'love' will be real
I hope someday you will 'feel'
-Jessica Anonymous

Get poem on website here!

I love that part <3

Gotta pick one of these three poems?

Okay, so Freedom of Expression night is coming up, and auditions are today after school and tomorrow after school. Basically a talent show. I was thinking about doing a poem of mine, cause a friend suggested that I should:P Not sure, but maybe... just maybe. I just want to know which one of these poems would be better if I did do it, so to whoevers reading this, please pick one!

Please and thank you!:)

How I see

I am no grace,

I am not the lucky one,

Iam an unknown wish,

Someday, somehow, I'll be better,

Amazing people in here, they'll take me there,

I'm a be your honor,

I'ma be a dream,

Gonna show you all, just how I see

Searchin', dreamin', finding what I am,

Don't think I'll let myself, let you down again

Staring

Staring out the window,

Thought it was so stereotypical,

Mezmerised by each drop of rain,

It still comes through storm and sunshine,

Lives on, gotten strong, survived through it all,

Much better than staring at a wall.

It's alright

One thing, to not ruin my bliss,

This bliss, from our last kiss,

Something, it showed me it's alright,

No way I'm a end it, not tonite,

Everything seems to give me some hope,

I'm worth something, and that I now know

Believing, becoming

I must be, gotta be, should be... Am I?

I'm somebody, who deserves somebody, I'm worth it, right?

When mommy's sayin that she hates me, but I see the smile on her face,

Meaning of it defied by the smile, she and I both realize,

His girlfriend getting mad, he hasn't come to bed yet,

Cause once again he's busy talking me off the ledge,

Daddy blows the smoke away from my face, so I can breathe,

He's trying so hard, giving his all, yet to him, I won't speak,

I complained about how I looked to him, the look in his eyes,

As he says I can never say that again, not one more time,

You're watching me, turn into someone you and I can both be proud of,

Finally I'm believeing, becoming, someone whos worth it.

So when im walking home, a guy starts to follow me, then stops, one car drives by yelling something i cant understand, another car shouts baby at me, then another yells faggot. I dont like walking home on 99.

A poem from an answer!

Well in english, we have to make a poetry tshirt, with lines from a poem(not music) and then decorate it and have copies to hand out!

I didnt know of one, so I asked on Yahoo Answers for one, that was unknown, and I got one from someone, and this was it, and I loved it!!!!:D

Woah, I just checked, and I have another answer, with another really good poem! I'll post both!:D

Anthony Rodriguez answered:

Are we friends,or are we not?
You told me once,but I forgot.
So tell me now and tell me true,
So I can say I'm her for you.
Of all the friends I've ever met,
You the one I won't forget.
And if I die before you do,
Ill go to heaven and wait for you,
Ill give the angels back their wings,
And risk the loss of everything.
There isn't a thing I wouldn't do,
To have a friend just like you.

impulseiveRainbows answered:

All my life I wish I broke mirrors
Instead of promises
'Cause all I see is a shattered conscience
Staring right back at me
I wish I had covered all my tracks completely
'Cause I'm so afraid
Is that the light at the far end of the tunnel
Or just the train?
Lift your arms, only Heaven knows
Where the danger grows and it's safe to say
There's a bright light up ahead
And help is on the way
I forget the last time I felt brave
I just recall insecurity
'Cause it came down like a tidal wave
And sorrow swept over me
Depression, please cut to the chase
And cut a long story short
Oh, please be done, how much longer
Can this drama afford to run?
Fate looks sharp, severs all my ties
And breaks whatever doesn't bend
But sadly then, all my heavy hopes
Just pull me back down again
Then I was given grace and love
I was blind but now I can see
'Cause I found a new hope from above
And courage swept over me
It hurts just to wake up
Whenever you're wearing thin
Alone on the outside
So tired of looking in
The end is uncertain
And I've never been so afraid
But I don't need a telescope
To see that there's hope
And that makes me feel brave

Eye makeup:)

Dear America and other places,

I think I have had an epiphany. I want to be a makeup artist. Its really cool, and interesting, and I enjoy it!!!

Its sooo cool! I love watching makeup vlogs, too!!!:D

Maybe I'll make my own sometime:P

Anywho! This is the makeup I tried to do today! :D

Random notebook notes!

Okay, well on the first picture, there are a bunch of notes going each which way!

Mind if I talk about them? :D

• "Lush" is a brand! I always thought it was a term for like, shopping!
• More Soy Protine!
• Spa night!!
• Freezer veggie burgers??
• Fake flowers!
• Happy bosters-bronzers?
• CVS!? What is that!?
• Shaded nails-Dark on pinky, light on thumb!
• Start a project!
• Simple, interesting room
• Hot yoga?
• A cup of water at night and in the morning
• Coco butter lotion on hair!
• Garnie butter stuff, twist and twirl hair on fingers with it on hair
• Nothing under eyes, skin color lip stick, bold eyeshadows
• Dont scrunch with towel!
• Ulta?
• Urban decay eyeshadow primer potion!
• Conair curler!
• Amys pita chips-simply naked
• Vita muffin tops
• Red eyeshadow
• CheapCutiePieFace-YouTube channel vlog?
• Seasalt+water spray bottle! Spray on hair then scrunch w old shirt, and curl:P

This ones just some notes, I got bored and watched a bunch of YouTube vlogs...:P

This is my old to-do list...:P

Haha okay, so pokemon jon just came up and said "Start a knock knock joke" and i was all "knock knock" he said "whos there" i said "BOOBIES!" He walked away...

"Hey! I can feel my foot now! I dont feel like a unicorn when i skip!"-Schnabel:)

"What if the first time you walked into the desert you saw a guy having diareha in another guys mouth?"-Chad
"Thats the cutest house ever!"-Me:)

Thoughts on this blog!

Well this blog is still pretty much invisible to the world, and I'm ok with that!

Only two followers, and I only know one of them!:D I love both of them, tho!! \

I'm actually glad my blog is so unknown, that way I can use it to vent!:D

I have been trying to post more often:)

And I have been wanting to post pictures with every post!:D

Hope thats alright with you guys:D

I am no grace,
I am not the lucky one,
I am an unknown wish,
Someday, somehow I'll be better
Amazing people in here, they'll take me there
Ima be your honor
Ima be a dream
Ima show you all
Just how I see
Searchin, dreamin, finding, what the hell I am,
Dont think I'll let myself, let you down again.

Met Jameson today :)

Yeah, Jameson? Tristans friend?

Who I met today for the first time, yet has been talking to since December 19th, 2009 :)

Who was my first love?

Who hurt me?

 Who makes me constantly fall for him? Who has a major effect on me?

Who knows EVERYTHING about me? Who still talks to me? Who is proud of me?

Who is one of my reasons for not cutting? Who has made me into the person I am today?

Who gives amazing hugs? Who got me obsessed with hugs?

Who has made me into a good person? Who has opened my eyes?

Who cares? Who is adorable? Who is a great kisser?

Who I trust completely? Who is the sweetest guy ever? Who writes good poetry?

Who says I'm beautiful?

Who has made me happy? Who... makes everything alright? Who is my muse, my inspiration?

Who makes me feel alive? Who makes me feel special? Who I am texting right now?

 Who I would risk it all for? Who I would give it all for? 

Who has stayed in my life longer than any other guy?

Who I have litterally never gone a day without thinking about?

 Who is the one guy who has my heart, once again?

Yeah, thats Jameson <3

Well I met him today. It doesnt matter that we madeout in the dressing rooms.

 It matters that in the middle of making out, he stopped, took a step back, and looked at me and said, "You're beautiful."

 It matters that he didnt go five minutes without complimenting me. It matters that he didnt make me cover up my scars. It matters that he said he is glad he came. It matters that he kept staring at me "cause I am so pretty" It matters that he didnt seem dissapointed at all. It mattered that he said after today, he couldnt stay away from someone like me:) It mattered that its not what I expected, but I just feel like crying, because I feel amazing.

:)

I dont know what to title this...

I must be, gotta be, should be, am I?
I'm someone who deserves somebody, who loves me,
When she's sayin that she hates me, but I see the smile on her face,
Meaning of it defied by the smile, she and I both know inside,
His girlfriend gets mad cause he hasn't come to bed yet,
Cause once again hes busy talking me off the ledge,
Daddy's blowin the smoke away, away from me so I can breathe,
Daddy's trying to hard, giving his all, yet to him, I won't talk,
I complain about how I look to you, the way you look at me says that you think I'm insane
You're watching me turn into someone you and I can both be proud of,
Finally, I'm believing, becoming, someone who is worth it.

Shes been with her abusive boyfriend. She has a new fuck buddy and shes worse then ive ever seen. And she just did the breath stabalizer, and its 2.5... When she gets to .8 she will be able to see a social worker... Shes going to a mental hospital soon, after detox... Damn.

Well mom OD'd again, and tried to kill herself and now is in the hospital. Ugghh!!!

Always by panic at the disco! A song to check out:P

Were talking about tounge and lip flexing and mouth tickle areasXD

"Do you like cereal???"-me to Ricky
"Yes....?"-Ricky
"Good your gonna have a girlfriend when your older!!!"-Me!

"This feels really weird on my face going up and down"-Shelly=)

Rise Against and Bad Religion concert in less than 3 hours!:D

Woo!!!!!

Ive never been a big Rise Against or Bad Religion fan, but I needed another rock concert!

When I bought the tickets, I only knew two songs by Rise Against, those being "Savior" and "Give it all"

I bought their new album though, and I love it!!:D

I also checked out Bad Religion. It seems that only one of their songs is really popular, that one being "Sorrow" which isnt a bad song.

My dads friend Rob said that he has seen Bad Religion in concert three times!! So they must be good!!

Cant wait!!!!

Also, I always get a tshirt from concerts, so I'm a get one!:D

Eeeeeeep sooo excited!

Pro-Ana sites?!

Ive never heard of Pro-Ana sites before.

Turns out theyre terrible!!!!

Basically websites that teach and encourage you to be anorexic.

Terrible, right?!!

Gosh... I used to be anorexic, but I overcame it. The sad thing is, I didnt get a real boyfriend until I became anorexic... And since Phil just dumped me yesterday, I am thinking about going back to anorexia... and I havent eaten much the past few days... So looks like I will be going back to that...

On another note, I havent "Cut" cut in.... 43 days!!! Yay! I came sooo close yesterday, I had the wire poked into my skin, and left a poke hole or something. But I didnt. And when Phil and I broke up, I didnt!!! :D

I must be strong.... :)

I wanna be natural and organic!

A good friend of mine, Katelyn, her family is super natural and organic! They cook all their meals, and they are vegitarian, and they composte, they use organic makeup and organic everything! and its just amazing! Also, my other best friend, Shelly, is a vegetarian. I wanna be that!!!

So, I vow from this day forward to try and eat more healthy and try and get all natural products! Hope daddy will support me! The earth has housed me! It deserves this! <3 you, earth!

So Katelyns sister has a vlog on youtube, and she talks about makeup-beauty stuff- and just everything! All of its all natural, so its a good place to start for me! Her username is "whatChelsealoves" So check her out!

Hope I actually can follow through with this! :)

I just wanna be a better person, ya know?! :)

Random blips of possible poems!

I wrote these last night at Schnables house. At like midnight. Lol. I was upset, and Jamesone told me to, so i did:P
Here!

- Why would I wanna be a fling

I dont need that right now

You cant brush it off as a simple thing

Show me your real and that you care somehow

I dont wanna be just another one

One who fell for you and fell hard

Whenever we're together its good ol' fun

The second I met you I let down my guard

-So weak, vulnerable like a fawn

from birth lost in the wild without a mom

-Cnat cry to daddy for help anymore

tried that, all you gonna get is an 'okay'

Id do anything to see and be someone worth fighting for her

When Id tell you wat happened that youd say 'no way'

-Dont wanna waste my breath on this one

Too many times hopin that he would care

Dissapointments again and again, not very fun

Everyone sayin 'Im sorry' all the time when i share

thats getting rather old, not good anymore

-Loosing faith, darkeness creepin in

My phone buzzes and its you, sunlight starts to shine on my life

-You tear me apart

Then leave me like that

For someone else to make me a work of art

*For someone else to mend my broken heart

-Never felt so dissasembeld from you

you never intend to, which makes it worse

Memories, feelings of love and pain we both know

You, the reason for my wound, tears, why i curse

cursin at hte sky, my pillow wet with my tears

God's up there, dealin with my fears

-Closure coming, somepoint, maybe

Open wound suffering from my almost lover

Give me a band-aid kiss it and make it better

Heal me, love or no love close the wound

-Open wound, thanks to my almost lover

getting rather painful, not good anymore

Ideas for photography! Blog!

Okay, so i want to get more into photography. And I recently went downtown seattle, and this time I took photos of random things. Not just people or nature. and it was fun! So I was thinking, like for a month I would take pictures of lips. like random lips. Then go through the pictures and post the best like, five on here. And have a different subject each month. Like lips, fingernails, shoes, lamps, street signs, car tires. etc. Well lets give it a shot when spring breaks over! Hope its a success!

Also, I want a good camera. Like a big expensive professional one. That would be AMAZING!

Ideas for drawing!!!

I have really been itching to draw lately! I havent done any serious drawing lately:( Or art in general. And I hate it! I used to be only about drawing, but now I never have time! I feel terrible! And I just saw the pics of my old drawings i posted, and I liked the ones where I did like, fonts to lyrics. When Im done on here Ill probaly do that! Cant wait!! Golly. Lol lots of amazing songs with amazing lyrics too!:D I always do the same sort of fonts tho:( Same with colors! I have like a bunch of colors i never use, too! Drives me crazy! Maybe I'll look up some color schemes... I should!! :D

Heres what I found:
http://www.google.com/search?q=color+schemes&hl=en&prmd=ivnsb&source=lnms&tbm=isch&ei=baGaTazxB4fCsAPO4-GJBA&sa=X&oi=mode_link&ct=mode&cd=2&ved=0CBoQ_AUoAQ&biw=1003&bih=532

Best drawings :)

Just thought I'd share some of these. Theyre sort of old, but here!:]

Hope you like them! :)