It just keeps getting worse.. Im not the daughter he wants and he makes that clear, everyday. I am not happy at home, and I havent been in awhile. I blew up at him today. The first time I blew up at him. Usually I just cry without him knowing, but this time I was yelling at him and bawling my eyes out. I dont like it at home, for more than one reason, and I leave for Shasta on thursday so I will be gone for 8 days, surrounded by homophobes and wont see any of my real friends, and possibly will be out of cell phone service. Idk if I can do that... And I might go to shellys, I might just run away and sleep at a park, havent decided yet, I just cant stay at home...

Seniors

Well friday is the last day of school for the Seniors. Tomorrow is the senior assembly... with the baby pictures, slideshow, and moving up in seating and such. I am going to cry SO much! Molly from TATU was also my 6th grade reading buddy back when I was in 3rd grade, and today I realized it was the last time I would see her.... when we hugged goodbye I started crying. Hell, I am on the verge of tears just thinking about it. Imagine tomorrow.... Saying goodbye to all those seniors.... All those seniors... who I have looked up to for almost a year. Wow. To think I will be done with high school in three short years... It is amazing how fast this year went, like I can hardly believe it. I wish them all the best of luck in that big world. I am not going to wear hardly any makeup tomorrow, cause I dont want to have mascara running down my cheeks all day:P Cause I KNOW I will be crying practically nonstop. Goodness I will miss them:'(

Im just one hell of a mess lately. I can hardly admit any of it to myself, but I am my own problem. I guarantee you if I didnt cut, I wouldnt be begging myself to commit suicide. If i didnt cut, I wouldnt be unhappy. If I didnt cut, I wouldnt be pushing the few people who care away. If I didnt cut, I wouldnt be a bitch to you. If I didnt cut, I wouldnt be making you worry...

People are bothering me lately

Its crazy, I love her, but shes driving me insane!!!

She like gets in "I dont care" moods and like, doesnt say anything, and doesnt do anything and just sits there typing on her phone. And I asked her what was wrong when she was in this mood on sunday and she wouldnt give me any answers and then like she just wont do anything! And shes a real bitch when shes like this! And then like, she makes me feel stupid and not good enough and stuff and yeah.

Oh and she says she has a secret Twitter that only she knows about and its just "her place" and Im totally okay with this but I am just worried. And then one day she asked me what I would do if I found out she cut, and I think I said cut, and she said thats what she was afraid of. And I am just really worried about her lately.

And then daddy. He is all "Whatever, fuck you" Well thats what it feels like anyways. I am doing a slut walk on Sunday but apparently there is a big family dinner with family i never see and they dont give a shit about me that day and dad says family is more important than a slut walk and im like this is to prevent girls from getting raped, do you want me to get prego at 16? And hes all "there are other rape prevention stuff" and im all whatever. I just dont want to be here anymore. And then he just looks down on me as if Im stupid and not worth anything.

UGH!!!!!!

Really? Suck the hell up.

Shellys Eye

 I took this of shellys eye. I edited it a little, but this is my favorite :)

Chloe

This is Shellys sister Chloe. I love old headphones:D